Have you ever heard that phrase, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Yeah, who told that lie? I can’t put a number to the amount of times that someone’s words shattered my heart like a wrecking ball set for demolition of an abandoned warehouse. Words DO hurt! They are POWERFUL and have the ability to either give life or to destroy (Proverbs 18:21). The definition of ‘hurt’ defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary is “to feel or cause pain, to do harm, to DAMAGE, to cause to be sad, to make poorer or more difficult.” When you experience hurt of any kind it can take a toll on you in an array of ways (physically, emotionally, mentally and even spiritually). Hurt can cause you to start questioning your moral compass. What you believed to be considered the right thing, you may think is now wrong which can cause you to make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings. Hurt also can cause distrust, loneliness, or vulnerability issues amongst other things. It can even take you to a place where you start questioning your trust in God. Thinking things like, “God, how could You let this happen?”, “Do You even love me anymore?”, “Why are You making me go through this?”. How do I know this? Because at times this was ME. When working through the process to reach complete deliverance and freedom, there are definitely things that God allows to arise to test you. He may allow you to come face to face with the person that you have not fully forgiven or with a situation that you have not fully let go of. Or you could be triggered by something that a close friend or family member could be dealing with that makes you think back to what you experienced; and just like that you’re back where you started, in that place of unforgiveness. And those very reasons are what led me to this particular journal entry one night, “Dear God, I Thought I Moved On!”.

Within my last blog post, I reflected on the necessary process of being able to LET GO and move forward, and the rewards that you reap when doing so. During my moments of working through this process I was faced with the blatant reality that I was NOT over some of the things that hurt me yet and that there was still more work to do on Diamond. As I mentioned before, in the previous situationship I was involved in, as well as previous friendships, we had some mutual friends so we were bound to run into each other at some point. And of course at times in the healing process, seeing these people was A LOT for me. I would try to avoid speaking to or seeing them as much as possible and when I wasn’t able to avoid them, I would fight my way through being cordial and it certainly was NOT working. Y’all, it was SO awkward! I was still hurt and had not fully forgiven them yet. This was God’s way of letting me know that I still had some work to do within myself.

“The bondage of

unforgiveness

is an INCREDIBLE

blockage. It blocks

you from peace,

it blocks you from

opening up your

heart, and it blocks

you from fully

being yourself.”

– Diamond Melvin

After these moments, I would always remind myself that I wanted to be better! I wanted forgiveness and freedom for myself! I know you’ve probably heard that phrase, “forgiveness is for you, not the other person”, and let me tell you, that is so important to remember. The bondage of unforgiveness is an INCREDIBLE blockage. It blocks you from peace, it blocks you from opening up your heart, and it blocks you from fully being yourself. But ULTIMATELY, it blocks you from what you need from God and what He has for you (Matthew 6:14-15). That alone should be enough to keep you pushing towards the goal of forgiveness and freedom because I don’t know about you, but I want EVERYTHING that God has for me.

This blog post is so important to me because I vividly remember feeling so defeated whenever I was around people that I hadn’t forgiven. I would reflect on all the work and growth that I had developed in Christ and at the same time I would be so frustrated that I was still in that place of unforgiveness, especially when I thought that I was so much further along. The thought of being setback after making so much progress was devastating. I just want to encourage you if you feel that way. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! We serve a God that already knew this test would happen and He is waiting on you to ask Him how to get through it (1 John 5:4). YOU ARE NOT DEFEATED! Do not give the devil any credit; it’s his trick to make you think that it’s over for you, but God says that you are MORE than a conqueror (Romans 8:37)! Be proud of yourself for admitting that there are things you still need to work on within yourself, that is HUGE! It’s called ACCOUNTABILITY (Romans 14:12). A big part of being able to hold yourself accountable is not allowing yourself to be a victim of your circumstance. You hold ownership over your actions and your mindset. And while I’m at it, let me go ahead and correct that lie that you may be believing, this is not a SETBACK at all, this is a SETUP. It’s an opportunity to self reflect and a chance for growth. KEEP MOVING FORWARD.

Love Your Sis,

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In my first blog post, I reflected on my very first “Dear God,” letter where I shared about realizing that I needed to pursue being whole in God. Upon the start of this journey one of the first things that God tasked me with was being able to LET GO. The ability to release on this Christian journey is necessary in a relationship with God. (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8) references that in this life we will go through different seasons and I believe that through each season you will have to LET GO in order to gain. Whether it’s something material, a person/people, a spirit, or distractions,  the act of releasing is necessary. We as people make the process harder to LET GO when we do not obey God and try to go about this process on our own.  Letting go is releasing your control which is HUGE! Why? Cause if you want to allow God to have complete, 100%, total control over your life, I have news for you, you must LET GO! Hence the quote, “LET GO and Let God.”

Back in 2014-2015 I was going through a transition; God was revealing some relationships that needed to come to an end with some family, friends, and an ex (what I would call a “situationship”). Before 2014 I started acquiring friends who had the same commonalities as me. We went to church, but at the same time we were ready to turn up and get lit, as the young folks say, Lol! I know, a hot mess right? However, clearly at this time I knew who God was and had accepted Him in my life, but my focus was not on having a committed relationship with God, so I was trying to “have my cake and eat it too”. To add fuel to this fire, I started dating someone. He’s a great person, but he had a lot going on personally and was trying to figure out what he wanted to do next with his life. In hindsight, it was definitely an unstable situation, even though I couldn’t see it at the time, because I found myself constantly pouring out and ended up empty. I like bringing everyone together, so I started bringing my new friends and the guy I was dating, around my family and close friends. As we all started hanging around each other, I started to notice that certain people did not mesh well. Division started happening and I ended up finding myself in a lot of compromising situations. I constantly felt like I was trying to make temporary people fit into a permanent place in my life and God was not having it.

“I constantly felt

like I was trying

to make

temporary people

fit into a

permanent place

in my life and God

was not having it.”

– Diamond Melvin

Anyone that has a close relationship with me knows that I have always struggled with conflict or confronting people. I usually suppress how I’m feeling or vent to someone close to me about it and then never address it with the person I have the conflict with because I don’t want to ruin the relationship that we have; therefore I end up suffering in silence. I feel like these relationships were the “big test” for me because of my lack of willingness to be confrontational. I remember finding out that my ex and one of my “new friends” were together one night and they started exchanging secrets with each other (things I had told them separately about the other, in confidence, in an attempt to vent). You can only imagine what chaos and damage this created. Needless to say, relationships came to an end. However, even though those relationships had ended, someone who I was close with still maintained a close relationship with my ex, so it was very difficult to move on because he was constantly around or we were attending the same events because we had mutual friends. Soon enough this started putting a strain on that relationship and it started going downhill from there. But, THANK GOD for having a way of warning you about when it’s time to LET GO. He does that through the Holy Spirit. The great thing about having a relationship with God is that you gain the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit warns you of spiritual and physical dangers and will lead and guide you in the right direction; God does nothing without warning (John 16:13).

Prior to the relationships ending, the Holy Spirit was warning me to LET GO. My grandmother used to constantly tell me, “Diamond, real friends don’t put you in compromising situations.” She used to tell me that almost every day because I would come home with a day full of drama for her. Then my best friend noticed the enemy was using people to try to tear us apart and she warned me about it. I even had someone that I’m not even close with call me and tell me that there was a “snake in my camp (what some may call a ‘snitch’)”. The Holy Spirit was warning me all that time, but I just could not LET GO. However, in order to get to my next level in my relationship with God, I needed to let these things go and because I wasn’t responding to His warnings, God allowed these things to happen to get me to LET GO. It was not an easy process at all. There were many days that I still tried to make things work, tried to seek revenge for myself (“hurt people, hurt people”), and just wanted to stay stuck in my unforgiveness; but I learned that my freedom in God was way more important than the things that were trying to hold me captive.  

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Some important lessons that I learned in the process of LETTING GO:

1. Acknowledge God First – I noticed in my own life how imperative it is to ask God to take control over your day before it begins. If we are striving to be whole in God and to give Him complete control over our lives, we must acknowledge Him at the start of our day. Ask Him to lead and guide you throughout your day, throughout your thought process, your conversations, etc. (Proverbs 3:6). This allows you to prepare to view your day and anything that may be thrown at you, in the way that God wants you to, giving you the right perspective and attitude.

2. Be Okay with NOT Being Okay – Healing is rough! It’s okay to not have a good day. Throughout the healing process, there will be times where you feel defeated because you may be presented with triggers along the way and you may think that you should be further along in the process, but those triggers will start to expose the work that is left to be done in you. It’s important to know that even when you feel defeated in those moments, God is still with you. He understands your frustration, your hurt, your confusion, and even in your weakest moments, He will give you strength, comfort, and peace (2 Corinthians 12:9).

3. Do Not TRY to do This Alone – Contrary to what some people may believe, you cannot do life alone. It’s so important to this healing journey to surround yourself with like-minded people, who will encourage you, uplift you, keep you accountable, and remind you of who and Whose you are (1 Peter 3:8).

4. FREEDOM IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN BONDAGE – I know that bondage can become comfortable, familiar, or even provide a false sense of stability. I know that freedom can seem far off or even impossible, but that’s a lie that the enemy tells us to keep us there when in reality freedom is so accessible. I want you to know that more than you want to be free, God wants you free. I want you to know that on the other side of freedom there is peace, hope, joy, a sound mind, forgiveness, endless possibilities that you couldn’t even imagine! Hold on to God’s promise of freedom, LET GO and BE FREE (Galatians 5:1).

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Letting Go is a process that you will encounter throughout your entire life. I believe that each trial and test that God allows to happen in your life is a faith builder. Of course there have been more things that I needed to LET GO after that season in my life and there will be more things to come. However, I stand on the faith that keeps being built brick by brick as God proves Himself over and over to me. He allows me to face each moment when I need to LET GO and doesn’t just leave me there. He graces me with the strength to get through the process and He keeps me through it. I always come out greater after I LET GO rather than holding on to the things that no longer serve me any purpose. When you find yourself wavering in this process just remember the promises of God (Deuteronomy 31:6 and Jeremiah 29:11), these are just a few of my go-to’s. Know that when you LET GO, God is always going to do a new thing (Isaiah 43:18-19), so take some time and reflect. Is there anything in your life that is a distraction from strengthening your relationship with Christ? Are you trying to force things to work in any relationship? Has God already sent warning signs and you’re just not listening? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, I encourage you to LET GO, LET GOD, and walk into your NEW THING!

Love Your Sis,

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As I mentioned in the About Page, what prompted the entire blog was God ending some seasonal relationships back in 2014. Back then it seemed like so much was happening, but it was all to get me closer to God. In February of 2014, I was broken, this is when I sought God for a way to communicate with Him and I wrote my first “Dear God,” letter. The great thing about God is that He wants us to take ALL our concerns to Him; He loves us that much (1 Peter 5:7). So, that is what I did, I began to tell God all that was bothering me. I was tired of being hurt in relationships­­­, tired of friends not being real friends, and tired of drama! It was so draining. This led to me asking God a serious question, “Is it me?” When I thought about everything that was going on, the common denominator was me and all these questions began to start rushing. Why did I keep selecting the same type of guys? Or picking bad friends? Why did I allow people to treat me in a certain type of way? Do I need to change something within myself? What is lacking in me? God answered me as clear as day and said, “You’re not whole yet.”

“Getting “whole“
in God is not
easy, but it is so
WORTH IT.”

– Diamond Melvin

..I was taken aback as soon as I got the response, so I immediately looked up the definition of ‘whole’. Whole means, “to be free of wound or injury (UNHURT), recovered from a wound or injury (RESTORED), being healed, in an unbroken or undamaged state in one piece“. I realized that I was the total opposite of this definition. I was all over the place, broken damaged, and everything in between. Then I asked God, “How do I get whole?” He did not respond immediately however, the next day one of my aunts gave me this book by Dr. Myles Munroe, “Single, Married, Separated, and Life After Divorce“. This book changed my life (please look it up when you get a chance)! The first few chapters talked about the importance of singleness and being whole in God before entering into any type of relationship. Within the first chapter, Dr. Myles Munroe introduces a concept called “The Myth of Singleness”, the myth is that we as individuals have confused the difference between singleness and being alone. As he quotes, “Singleness means to be separate, unique and whole.” Dr. Monroe further explains that as Christians, this is what we should strive for, to be separate, unique, and whole in God! Any type of relationship, friendship, etc. takes everyone being a whole individual giving their complete 100%. I cannot come into any relationship giving 50% and expect someone else to fill my other 50%. God has not called us to be alone (hence, Genesis 2:18). “The word “alone” means, “to be isolated, lonely, or solitary.” Finally, Dr. Monroe uses a great example to explain God’s view on singleness, he uses a key ring that has a bunch of keys. He says, “If you have one get it out and look at it, each key is unique, separate, and whole, yet all of the keys are joined by a common ring. The keys are single, but not alone, thus it is possible to be single and not alone. God did not say it was not good for man to be unique, separate, and WHOLE.” This is also just like the human body, every body part in our body has it’s function; the ankle cannot function as the arm does. Each body part has its own unique, separate, and whole function. 

Getting “whole” in God is not easy, but it is so WORTH IT. It is a lifelong journey, a decision you will have to strive to make every day on your Christian journey. It requires a bunch of forgiveness, being honest with yourself and allowing God to transform you from the inside out. Being whole in God, in my opinion, means to be so wrapped up in Him and no longer trying to fill an empty void with distractions, but instead allowing Him to fill that “God-sized void“! Choosing God to have control over my life has allowed me to forgive people that have hurt me and to no longer be triggered by Satan’s tactics that he tries to use to put me back in a place that God has delivered me from. I can now treat my enemies like my friends (Hebrews 1:13). I no longer long for attention (because back in 2014 I was that girl that loved the attention; I was the girl that if you slid into my DM’s no matter what time I would answer. No more of that! DM’s turned into just getting email notifications and that was fine, that meant no drama, just peace). I just keep praying, fasting, and studying my Word; staying obedient, and vigilant. The more I get whole in God, my prayers and the desires of my heart keep getting answered (Psalms 37:4-6).

Therefore, sometimes we must realize that we need to check ourselves (Lamentations 3:40). Not all of our conflict is a one-man show (there’s not always someone else to blame). There may be some things within yourself that need healing. We cannot be much to anyone until our “self” is right first, in other words,
check yourself.

Love Your Sis,

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