As a single person there may be certain times that you wish you had a significant other to share special moments with to make those moments more enjoyable; birthdays, traveling, or getting a promotion at work. What about certain times of the year such as holidays? Holidays are all about spending time with your loved ones, but you may not have a significant other to spend them with. Let’s not forget the BIGGEST one of them all, I mean the entire day is devoted to love, Valentine’s Day. We all know during this day we do something extra special for our significant other to express our love towards them. However, during these times or moments when you’re single, the enemy has a way of placing negative thoughts in your mind that singleness means you have failed or are being punished for past sins you may have committed that God has already forgiven you for. He tries to convince you that singleness means desperation; that you are empty and you will always be lonely. How do I recognize these thoughts so well? Because I used to have them at times when I was single. So let me just clear this up right now, SINGLENESS is NOT ANY OF THOSE THOUGHTS. It’s a beautiful season in your life, a gift from God even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. In this season you have an opportunity to find out who you are and get whole in God; and if it’s God’s will for you to get married, this season will prepare you for that too, at the appointed time.
Growing up in the black church I’ve noticed there is such a HUGE focus on marriage, but not on singleness. My childhood church was very traditional, so if you were dating, that person better plan on being your spouse. Lol. But leadership at the time would be so concerned about what could go wrong in my single season with dating that they failed to teach me about the beauty of singleness that would later prepare me for dating and then marriage. In my opinion the teachings that you receive while you are single are so imperative to your growth as a person. Just think about it, how many times have you been in a relationship and you got out of it thinking what you could have done differently? How many times have you wished you would have avoided the relationship altogether? That’s why knowing how God values your single season is so important because when you know better you do better.
That’s why
knowing how
God values
your single
season is
so important
because when
you know
better you
do better.
– Diamond Melvin
If you’ve read my first blog, “Dear God, Is It Me? (The Reality Check)”, I wrote about getting out of a situationship and not knowing who Diamond was anymore. I had got so unfocused and I needed to get myself back on track and that meant starting with my relationship with Christ. During this time, God dealt with me so much about my single season and showed me how getting rid of the distractions in my life allowed me to completely devote myself to Him. When you get married or in a relationship, God is aware that your focus may not always be completely on Him. It is no longer just about you, there will be another person to consider. I was able to find myself again and I was able to get “whole” in God; which is a daily walk and takes a lot of forgiveness, dying to your flesh, and being real with yourself, knowing where you are and what you need to work on. I remember reaching my peak in my single season, I was so satisfied with God in my life that I was fine with Him and Him alone. It was when I reached that place in Him that He allowed me to meet my Husband.
So what does the Bible say about valuing your singleness?
1. Singleness is a GIFT from God- Society, social media and even people can place so much pressure on you that you start to question where you are in your life. You probably may have thought you would be married by this point or maybe engaged or at least dating someone. Remember to enjoy the gift of singleness that God has blessed you with. I remember when my husband and I were dating and at this point in our relationship I was just like “where is the ring?”! Lol. However, the Lord convicted me on that because the reality is you are still considered single until you say, “ I Do.” I got so caught up in the anticipation of being engaged that I stopped enjoying my single season or my boyfriend at the time, now husband. I was just laser focused on the next level of our relationship, but I’m glad the Lord reminded me to embrace the gift He currently blessed me with. 1st Corinthians 7:7 states “But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another.” In this text Paul is letting us know that singleness is a gift, and he isn’t speaking in a way of remaining single, but he’s speaking of the state of being single. As long as you have it, it’s a gift from God, just as marriage will be God’s gift if you ever receive it. We should receive our portion in life, whether it is singleness or marriage, as a gift of God’s grace to us.
2. Singleness Has Advantages– Single people do not have the responsibilities of marriage. (1st Corinthians 7:28) Marriage is a beautiful thing and rewarding, I love my husband with every fiber of my being, but marriage is also hard. There’s more than one person to consider in decisions about use of time, accommodations, holidays, even the daily menu. And there’s more than one person to worry about. In other words, when you’re single you can DO YOU. You are also able to have a deeper relationship with God because you have fewer distractions. (1st Corinthians 7:35) When you are married, you will have a spouse to care for and because of that your availability is not going to be always as open as someone who is single to do the Lord’s work (witnessing to people, leading a bible study, etc). Instead of focusing on the difficulties of being single also look at the advantages.
I know that being single can be frustrating. You should start asking God, “What is YOUR will for my life?” If it does not involve marriage, then accept God’s will. But if it does involve marriage, before you say “I Do”, make sure that you are marrying your God ordained mate, the person God has hand picked for you. And you might ask how will you know? I am a witness that God will let you know and not only that, but He will also send confirmation. So I come against all those negative thoughts that the enemy is trying to place in your head to give you a negative outlook on singleness. Enjoy your journey and where you are right now; take this opportunity to get into a deeper relationship with Christ and to get to know yourself. Don’t be willing to settle and remember that you are strong enough to wait for what you deserve. But even if you don’t feel strong, in those moments of weakness remember that you can stay on this journey, it only begins with two words “Dear God,”. Be encouraged, you got this!
Love Your Sis,
"Dear God," Blog 